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I am often asked by patients what made me decide to study and practice TCM and acupuncture.
I tell them their question is all wrong.
It's not about WHAT inspired me to leave conventional medicine in search of a better way to help people.
It's not one specific event, or book, or lesson that lit my passion for this journey and this form of medicine.
It's WHO.
It's because of her.
My mom.
Today marks the 10 year anniversary of her death.
As painful as that day was, it doesn't compare to the days that came before it.
I have yet to meet someone who suffered as much as my mother.
Don't get me wrong, she did her very best to hide the suffering with her silly sense of humour and her unsurpassed compassion, but you can't hide that much hurt.
My mother spent much of her life in horrible chronic pain, deep depression, and struggled with pharmaceutical addictions until the very pills that were supposed to help her, lead to her death exactly 10 years to this day.
I could let my loss crush me, at times it has. At times it has squeezed the air out of my lungs, twisting my stomach into vomit inducing knots and blurring my vision with tears that seem to have no end.
but I won't, I can't let it end me.
Instead, I have let the hurt drive me. I couldn't save her, I couldn't ease her suffering, but I can commit to helping others avoid what she did not deserve.
While I would give anything to have her back I know I would not have the same drive to help others without this loss.
With each pained body I touch, I am feeling her embrace one last time
With each sorrow filled eyes I help light a spark of hope in, I see her reflection
With each each hurt I help heal and addiction I ease, I heal a bit of her
I heal a bit of me.